Stepping through a new, yellow door

To-date I've had about 10 years of work experience with one year out to do my MBA. (I can hardly believe that my studying years are over; any time spent book-learning after this better be in pursuit of some serious academic achievement.)  The purpose of writing this post is to chart my work life - that is, the gainful employment I've chosen to devote 80% of my living to - for the past 10 years, take stock, determine where I am now and propose ideas on what I deserve in the future. And most importantly, understand where I can be of the most service and how I can proceed with a positive, enterprising mind and a humble attitude.

Gee, that's a lot for one post!

Just want to get one tiny thing out of the way. Can you, young Lydia, believe that I am a smoker? I hate smoking! Alright, back to work.

Chronologically is easiest. I started out wanting to interesting things related to Geography, to be a writer for the National Geographic Magazine was numero uno and stupid me, I never picked up the phone and talked to someone about what I ought to do to get there. This was a grave mistake, this inability to just directly obtain and follow a recipe. As a result I have not gotten to eat that delicious Nat Geo pie. Somewhere inside of me, I probably thought I wasn't good enough. And I was probably wrong, because I'm a darn good writer today and I still have a better-than-average ability to digest an in-depth article or documentary about cave-dwelling micro-flora or other obscure geo-scientific topic.

So at the LSE, I realised (translated as 'got counselled') that I was probably going to be a generalist and wouldn't be pursuing Geography to the nth degree. Somehow I went to an Accenture meet-and-greet session and got told by someone of authority that I would get the job if I applied. Uncharacteristically optimistic that day, I heard that part, but didn't hear the part where she told me that since starting work there, she hadn't exercised or eaten right and her libido had been down to zilch. True enough, I got the job and....well, you know how that went. It was all darkness while I was there. But through the high definition lens of hindsight, Accenture was a safe place full of intelligent people.  If I'd understood that consulting was in fact one of the most intellectually stimulating jobs in the world, I'd have tried to come to terms with the imbalance in my life and accepted the slow and steady increments to my salary. Gosh, if I'd joined Change Management at Accenture, maybe gone for a motivational business course or two, I'd be partner now.

Next, hey hey hey, next I actually DID WHAT I WANTED! Woo hoo! I actually rejected a cushy job in communications at the monetary authority of Singapore, for Interbrand, got rejected by Interbrand and joined Ogilvy and Mather Advertising. It was Bao that introduced me to that world via "Dove" - yeah I was a Dove girl. Earned SGD3000 for it and a slightly dubious reputation. Nick Thomas pulled me into Ogilvy. I worked under several uninspiring people - I was looking for a leader and didn't realise that no one was going to lead me, I had to lead me. After one big mistake and a few long months realising that I wasn't going to go anywhere in advertising that would engage my intellect, I left for Rolex.

Was that a mistake? Sometimes I think it was, sometimes I think it wasn't. The big mistake was already made (not trying my best to move around within Ogilvy instead of leaving) and staying in Rolex for so long was perhaps a small mistake. But technically, I was still on this path that I'd told myself I wanted. The path of marketing and communications. In  fact, had I articulated my desire a little more succinctly, I'd have realised that I wanted strategic communications OR advertising strategy/creative, not darn account servicing.  I'd wanted to create something like this and a small part of me still does:  http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=6h5JSojJN3Y (but that small part of me got beaten up by the big ol' white guys and loud-talking Korean girls at Ogilvy, and the sour-minded AEs).  At Rolex, I did go through this short period of being unbelievably happy and that was when I was working on the Rolex Awards. That was fabulous! Fab I tell ya! Being at one with myself. Spending my waking hours doing something I loved led by leaders I respected tremendously. But aside from the awards, I was bored. And somehow, though it remains unsubstantiated until today, I came to think that I was not good at marketing.

Aside: Why did I love Rebecca Irvin so much? Because she thought I was good. Because I could tell she was good. She was a person with soul. And she was incredibly efficient. Maybe because she had the same singularity of purpose that my Dad shows. They don't reveal their inner conflicts, people like that. They do what needs to be done and they respect execution.

Perhaps I can't market ANYTHING but only the things I feel an affinity with. And so I found myself foundering as VP Marketing at Fisheye Analytics, my post-MBA choice of vocation. I couldn't for the life of me trumpet our service. I couldn't write anything positive about the company - found it hard, the words wouldn't come. I hated e-shots. I hated making something I thought was so intelligent so cutesy. There were overarching issues for sure. But heck, I got treated like a C-level person most of the time. The team saw me as a leader (somewhat). I also made some good sales and I am leaving with my reputation intact except for a few niggling items in Lutz's nit-picky mind BUT the dude said he'd like to work with me again and Soumitra still thinks I'm an excellent writer so there! Fisheye Analytics deserves a longer write up because it was such a formative experience.  I mean, I started to think like someone in charge. I had the business' good at heart. However, here, I just want to say what I've learnt. I have learnt that sales and execution deserves respect baby. Its the people who get the job done who create the most value, not necessarily the person who thinks about how to get the job done and writes it up in a bunch of slides. A CEO has to lead by example, not merely by expression. I've learnt that getting organised, structured and operationally ready deserves some serious devotion because it can make or break a business, and keep even the most demanding employees minimally happy in uncertain times.  I've learnt that I am pretty good at sales and I can definitely sell research or consulting-type projects. I've also learnt a lot about Media Analytics - and gotten more comfortable with analytics in general myself (though not comfortable enough to actually do sql or excel spreadsheets on my own).

Who am I now? I am probably a marketing person with a strong social media theory spin. Not a social media practitioner.  The logical next step would be to build on this last part. To search for something consultative, slightly strategic and related to digital media and content. My heart yearns for something closer to the Rolex Awards, or to social investing or philanthropy. And my head just made me say 'yes' to Scoot. That's right...

...Scoot. Tomorrow, I am going to wake to Day 1 at Scoot, the new airline start-up by SIA. Yay. It will be a slightly more corporate experience compared to what I've had for the last 3 years (1 year at INSEAD and 2 years in a 'classroom' at Jurong Town Hall Road). For starters, I'm 'coming out' at a 'Corporate Offsite' which means, we meet in smart casual clothes outside of the office. At Scoot, I will be in charge of Product and Ancilliary Revenues. How is this related to my Rolex experience? It isn't. What about to Fisheye? Er, no. I'm not building on anything I used to do. Scoot saw potential in me, understood that I have the know-how (I don't, actually) to make business decisions on a small scale and that I'm presentable enough in front of potential partners and would like me to take on this 'product marketing' role. I'll need to look for ways to boost all non-ticket revenue. Its EXPERIENTIAL marketing. Its going to be interesting. But its also going to take me further and further away from PR/strategic communications (am I crying over spilt milk, was I ever a candidate for that anyway? Yes and No. So there, spilt milk), from social media/research/consulting and from social investing or philanthropy. On the other hand, I could spin this differently....still thinking about exactly how I'd do that. Scoot is no doubt a WONDERFUL opportunity in the travel industry. Its something a ton of people would want to do. And so I'm going to give it a try, all the while thinking about what I could do next that speaks to my heart.

Communications (luxury horology)
Consulting/media/management/marketing (Research)
Product (Travel industry)

A deserving foundation for anxiety?

When I was very young, I discovered an old book of poetry that I believe belonged to my Auntie Annie. It was as old as the primary school history book my mother had kept, the one with Romulus and Remus in the first chapter.

In this book of poetry, I found many rhymes that still conjure up much romantic thought today. One of them, hardly one of my favourites, has returned to haunt me. Bear in mind that this is close to 25 years after I first read it.

YOUTH AND ART BY ROBERT BROWNING

It once might have been, once only:
We lodged in a street together,
You, a sparrow on the housetop lonely,
I, a lone she-bird of his feather.

Your trade was with sticks and clay,
You thumbed, thrust, patted, and polished,
Then laughed "They will see some day,
Smith made, and Gibson° demolished." °

My business was song, song, song;
I chirped, cheeped, trilled, and twittered,
"Kate Brown's on the boards ere long,
And Grisi's° existence embittered!" °

I earned no more by a warble
Than you by a sketch in plaster;
You wanted a piece of marble,
I needed a music-master.

We studied hard in our styles,
Chipped each at a crust like Hindoos,° °
For air, looked out on the tiles,
For fun, watched each other's windows.

You lounged, like a boy of the South,
Cap and blouse--nay, a bit of beard too;
Or you got it, rubbing your mouth
With fingers the clay adhered to.

And I--soon managed to find
Weak points in the flower-fence facing,
Was forced to put up a blind
And be safe in my corset-lacing.

No harm! It was not my fault
If you never turned your eye's tail up
As I shook upon E _in alt_,
Or ran the chromatic scale up:

For spring bade the sparrows pair.
And the boys and girls gave guesses,
And stalls in our street looked rare
With bulrush and watercresses.

Why did not you pinch a flower
In a pellet of clay and fling it?
Why did not I put a power
Of thanks in a look or sing it?

I did look, sharp as a lynx,
(And yet the memory rankles)
When models arrived, some minx
Tripped up stairs, she and her ankles.

But I think I gave you as good!
"That foreign fellow,--who can know
How she pays, in a playful mood,
For his tuning her that piano?"

Could you say so, and never say
"Suppose we join hands and fortunes,
And I fetch her from over the way,
Her, piano, and long tunes and short tunes?"

No, no: you would not be rash,
Nor I rasher and something over;
You've to settle yet Gibson's hash,
And Grisi yet lives in clover.

But you meet the Prince at the Board,
I'm queen myself at _bals-parés_,° °
I've married a rich old lord,
And you're dubbed knight and an R.A.

Each life unfulfilled, you see;
It hangs still, patchy and scrappy:
We have not sighed deep, laughed free,
Starved, feasted, despaired,--been happy

And nobody calls you a dunce,

And people suppose me clever;

This could but have happened once,

And we missed it, lost it forever

The narrative in the poem almost fetishizes the idea that soulmates are given limited, finite opportunities to meet and make much of their God-given rightness for each other. My subjective experience extracts a slightly different message: a commonality of struggle and focus can potentially breed a soulful connection (happiness) but chasing security and the outward trappings of success makes us blind to the possibility of communion that could exist in one so physically and mentally - and so ephemerally - close by. And thus, we miss our chance and allow the ever moving train of life to chug us towards the end of a long list of checked boxes on empty white spaces.

I fear fear fear that I am giving up my freedom and my sense of self for security and warmth. I'm giving in to my neurosis, my demons. In effect, I'm limiting my upside greatly.

Who I am and why I'm doing this.

This post is a stand-in for the About Me section which, irritatingly, refuses to be saved whenever it is edited. It will remain an empty field and this post will fill in for it until Blogger resolves that issue.


Being the daughter of an old school colonial hang up and a new school Mao Tse Tong is my claim on the twisted and confused socio-cultural perspective that informs all my ramblings here. From time to time, that perspective will turn parochial or even self-serving; I am not apologising for that. There is great value in the subjective. It might be all that matters when it comes to living. From time to time, cute critters make their way onto these pages. My policy, like most policies by others in my generation, is simply a more liberal version of my mother's: any critter that enters my home IS home. Ta.


I'm doing this because until an idea or feeling is articulated, it is an unseen, un-managed force in your life. Unacknowledged thus, it could surprise you at the most inopportune time. Perhaps at a dinner party with big shots. Perhaps at 2.30am when you are lying alone painfully trying to recall the exact reasons you rejected that marriage proposal you got 8 years ago. These pages will be like the toilet in a house where adolescents live: a place where things that can't or won't be accepted in the communal spaces of everyday life regularly find expression.